Monday, January 01, 2007
JON CONNOR'S SKI TRIP TOP TWELVE LIST (REVISED)
Top 12 things to do while anticipating the ski trip (Revised for 2007):
12. Refine your favorite way to say “Boo Mother Fuckers,” Brush up on your Geometry and play an insane amount of Pool. There will not be another Dave and Dave Pool Championship Celebration this year.
11. In an effort to condition one’s tolerance for the weekend, utilize several “occasions” to partake in moderate to heavy alcohol consumption.
10. If Amber Scott changes her mind, and decides to attend the Ski Trip, remind everyone of the following:
a. When walking down stairs, you don’t want to walk in front of Amber Scott.
b. If Ms. Scott just happens to be behind you, make sure you are at least five to ten full steps ahead of her
c. If you forget the above, contact Jen Miller as to what you might prepare yourself for.
9. Attempt, in vain, to tone up a little…we have to be presentable for the hot tub you know.
8. Solicit drinking ideas, in an effort to see many ways we can get drunk throughout the weekend.
7. Compose various demeaning and volatile racial chants, to replace, “Best Black Coach in America. According to David Schanding, Tubby Smith, is no longer the “Best Black Coach in America,”
6. Make visit to Lowes, Home Depot, or your favorite local hardware store of choice. Purchase all items necessary to mend any and all bridges that may have been slightly damaged, singed, or burned down over the past 12 months.
5. Locate “Delete/Format” button on any and all Photo/Camera devices, make sure you never….EVER…press one of these buttons.
4. Refine a list of alcohol that makes one a “happy drunk.” Also, make note of which alcohol makes one an “angry/mean/violent drunk.” Leave the so-called “angry” alcohol at home for the weekend.
3. Purge all Outlet shopping tendencies from your system before the ski trip. We have way too much drinking to accomplish, for such forays into the retail abyss.
2. Remember… “What’s said in the hot tub…Stays in the hot tub.”
*unless summarily questioned by Phil upon leaving said hot tub.
And the Number 1 thing to do while anticipating the ski trip…………….
1. Sit, depressed, in front of the computer…wishing you were already there.