Thursday, January 18, 2007

PHIL VS. THE MORMONS

osmonds
Talented? Sure! Annoying as hell? Probably.

You ever have one of those instances were you do something that is totally out of character? Something you normally wouldn't do? Well I had one today.
I got into a verbal altercation with a couple of Mormons.
Live and let live. That's usually my motto.
Not today. A couple of Latter Day Saints decided to cross me. Here's how it unfolded.
I was in a weird mood when I pulled up to the Speedway.
Kinda annoyed because it was cold outside, but also kinda giddy because our beloved SKI TRIP is a mere two weeks away (can ya believe it?)
I got out of my truck.
Standing out in front of the store were two young men nicely dressed in suits, with books and pamphlets in hand.
"May I have your attention, please?" one of them shouted.
"I am here to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ!" he screamed.
"Oh, Jesus" I thought.
I went on into the store, as he went on and on about angels and golden plates or something.
As I was making out my order, I was beginning to get really ticked off.
What right does this guy have to come and preach to me while I'm at work?
I don't come to his church and tell of all the glorious things about fantasy football!
I'm all for freedom of religion but this was ridiculous.
I decided right then that if he said something to me, I was gonna get smart with him.
That's exactly what I did.
I went to my truck.
I got my first load, all the time hoping, Ok, maybe even PRAYING that he would say something to me.
He said something.
"Excuse me Sir, have you ever heard of Joseph Smith?" he asked.

Without missing a beat I replied " Yes I have, he sure had a lot of wives"

It was almost like I punched him in the stomach (exactly the reaction I was looking for) Ummm.... he searched for his next words" .....yes, but did you also know that....."
"I'm working, bro, " I said. " Church is on Sunday, and this ain't Sunday" I continued.
He kept trying to talk to me but I ignored him.
So there you go. My little story about the Mormons. It wasn't much, but damn, it made me feel great!
Damn Mormons!

wellhello
CROSS ME AGAIN, BITCHES!

15 comments:

Ms. Thomas said...

I had a mormon lady visit me at bob o link one october and i asked her about lilith and she left, only to return a year later with typed out notes on lilith and a 7-year-old girl. crazy!

Misty Barker said...

Can I get an amen! Damn mormans! I dont know whats worse ...Jehovah Witness or Mormans.

jenmiller said...

I had two Mormons knock on my door Saturday morning. I was still in my PJs and I'm pretty sure my hair was at an all time grease level. Still, they wanted to talk to me about how much peace I can find with the Book of Mormon. I was to nice to turn them away immediately - it was only after I told them I needed to shower, that I travel for work, and that I'm out of town on the weekends until March - when they asked for my phone number to schedule a visit then did I say something and they left.

All the while, Mike was hiding out on the couch laughing hysterically.

Jon said...

When does the comic book version of this story come out?

Anonymous said...

Next time, just for giggles, reverse the "preaching" about Smith by offering to share the story of Xenu. I'd pay to watch that!
Neighbor Dave

Anonymous said...

I was born a poor Mormon child. I always felt that there was someting different about me, so I headed out to find my way in the world alone. Along the way I worked at a gas station, fell in love, made a fortune lost it, so now I will knocking on a door near you or a parking lot whatever comes first. Happy Birthday !!!!!

Ms. Thomas said...

Happy birthday to you! Glad to know you're still young at heart! You're almost halfway to 40!! Woo hoo!

Jana said...

We need an update!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I'M A MORMON AND I WANT TO KICK TO YOUR ASS P. DESKINS

Anonymous said...

Only an idiot like Misty Barker spells Mormons with an "A" instead of an "O."

Anonymous said...

i really don't see why you guys hate us mormons so badly, yes i admit some of us do have problems and we have plenty of spychotic members that are overly zealous, but so does every other religion. you turn to polygamy as a means to prove us wrong, argue the point, or just be contradictory, well, easy explanation, mormons were run out of their homes numerous times, chased from state to state, the federal government never stepped in to help, and the state governments even helped run us out, whatever happened to freedom of religion huh? when we were run out of our homes during the middle of the winter the men were shot at and killed, tared and feathered, and beaten, the men were dying, so we began polygamy so that the men could take care of more families. we aren't the only ones to have done that either, the roman catholic church, after the hundred years war between england and france allowed polygamy for a time for the same reason. i hate it when people bash on us without ever having looked up the facts, do i hate you guys, no, i have my own ussumptions about things, but i don't go dissing on everyone because i know i might be wrong. i don't think i have ever done anything to hurt or insult any of you, and i respect you, my response may have come off a little rudely, if it did i am sorry, i just ask that you respect us a little.

Tyler the Mormon said...

You're a bigot. You wanted a fight. I remember your kind from when I served my mission. You're the kind that would drive by in your truck and whip us as we rode our bikes. Perhaps the type that would throw your empty beer bottle or cell phone, classy. Everyone has a choice in whether to listen to our religion or not. You say you believe in freedom of religion, but I doubt it. I doubt your even religious. Live and let live, you've got to be kidding me. All you would have had to say to those to guys is not interested and they would have let you be. Instead you made a scene.

We preach the gospel of Christ. Our doctrine is sound. We don't excuse ourselves for doing what God has revealed in these later days. Everyone has free will and will need to decide about our religion for themselves. You should actually listen to the missionaries once, you might find it beneficial.

Anonymous said...

Any dogma, any system of belief, any predefined way of thinking or Religion will never be good for mankind as a whole. Pragmatism, open mindedness and willingness and ability to change ways things are done for the best of any one particular situation, is the only way the world will ever move forward. Until that happens, we are nothing but pack animals.

we wrote a song about mormons,
like anyone coming to my door, pimping an imaginary god and doctorine, they will be ridiculed and made to leave sharpish.
Having read your book, its full of the same retarded nonsense as the Koran, the yankee tribe of israel indeed. such synthetic frippery.

Anonymous said...

yea... I am a mormon. Im not really that religious. I am only 17 still deciding if im going on a mission or not. I dont really get into too many debates on anything. But alot of the guys that are out there are great guys, that are just doing the stuff they are told to do, trying to show a little consideration. But... every guy with a small dick has to act sometime right? This is your time to know that 2 nice guys arnt going to do anything if you act tough and get smart and fool around. Look... say no thanks. Thats it, dont think your the biggest baddass in town becuase you can F*** with 2 guys that wont do shit back to you.

Anonymous said...

IM A MORMON and I am PROUD of it!