Sunday, April 05, 2009

PHIL VS. THE DUMB CHRISTIAN

As most of you know, I rarely like to talk about my job. This is because, well, there is not much to talk about. It's steady and it really helps with the ole' mortgage payment.
However, on occasion, things happen at work that I feel obligated to share to the world. Like the time that woman chased me down in her car and yelled at me, claiming I was sent by her ex-husband to "spy on her" (true story)
Well something else kinda bizarre happened like this yesterday.

It was late in the day, I had already worked 10 hours, and I was tired and ready to go home and watch the Final Four.
As I was minding my own business, doing my job,this guy comes up to me and says this:
"Hi how are you doing"?
Now this may sound like nothing, but over the years, I have learned that when a person comes up to me and makes it a point to say hi and speak in the tone this guy did, he or she is not being friendly.
They have a bone to pick with the Pepsi man.
"Oh great, here we go." I thought to myself.
"I was wondering if you could pass a message as far up the Pepsi chain as you can." This dude says.
Now, immediately, I think this is about the "New Formula" that Pepsi has come out with.
Ever since we unveiled our new look on the world . Countless of morons have come up to me and claimed that Pepsi "tastes different" and they wish they would "bring back the old stuff"

Attention all Morons. Repeat after me. New Look. NOT new taste


So I had it in my head what I was gonna say.
"Sir, we haven't changed our formula, only our packaging. It's still the same flavor we have always had" I was going to say.

But then this guy really threw me for a loop.

"Im not happy with Pepsi's position on the gay and lesbian movement"

Wha?...
I'm going through my head thinking "Now is Pepsi for the gays or against them?" I didn't know we had a position.

Then the guy said "I am boycotting all Pepsi products because they support the homosexual lifestyle"

I then noticed his sweatshirt. It had a picture of Jesus with the slogan "Trust in God" or something to that effect.
He had a little girl in his shopping cart. I asssume it was his. I felt sympathy for her.

So I asked him, point blank, ready to get in a "Gays vs. Jesus" debate, "How do we support the gay and lesbian movement, sir"

He seemed shocked that I didn't seem to be "on his side" I think maybe he was looking for a high five.

This is what he said. I'll try to get it as close I can.

"Well, I ...ummm. Pepsi, has over the years... given a million...or umm MILLIONS of dollars... to uh the gays and Uhhh.... "

"Are you talking about Ludicrous? I said. Because I don't think he is gay." I said

"No, I mean....uhhhh..... Family Guy had a ummm....promotion for Sierra Mist and on one of their shows, they said that Christians hate gays and ummm... we don't hate anybody."

I looked at the little blonde girl in the shopping cart again I again felt sorry for her.

"So if you could just pass that along to your boss or whoever, I'd be thankful to you"

"I'm not gonna tell that to anyone. Its silly" I said.

"Well, I'm not gonna buy anymore Pepsi." he said.

"I think we will survive without your business." I said.

"What's your name?" he asked

"Marc Sherman" I said.

So that's what happened. Now I think I'm gonna go watch Family Guy and have a Sierra Mist.

10 comments:

Ames said...

I don't know what's funnier... the fact that the conversation happened or that you claimed to be Marc... I'm laughing my ass off...
But seriously, thanks for making those Siera Mist commercials...
HAHAHAHAHA

Jon Connor said...

Really...I didn't want to say this, but that's the real reason I quit Pepsi.

Jen said...

HA ... Seriously, what is wrong with people? My fave is that you told him your name was Marc Sherman - classic!

LKS said...

I feel sorry for the little girl too.

So are we going to get an explanation for what happened at the end of your month-long blog challenge? Things seemed to have fallen a little short at the end...

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laughs this morning PHIL!
Miss everyone...
Misty

Ms. Thomas said...

Love this!! Having spent the last couple weeks in Kentucky, I've noticed a clear twang surfacing and have already gotten into it with someone opposed to universal health care. Thankfully it was in the presence of a Canadian who admitted that on occasion he has had to wait A DAY to see his family doctor and UP TO 6 HOURS to be seen in the emergency room. For free. GASP!! Way to stand your ground Phil. And I think Ludicrous may be more threatening to family values than gays, so if you could pass that on to the higher ups, I'd appreciate it.

Lisa said...

Hey! What happened to mixed up Monday? Your officially on my sh!t list.

Sherman said...

Yeah, Phil. Way to stand your ground. Using my name to protect yourself. Personally, I'm offended. I do not want my name associated with Sierra Mist. I'm a Sprite man. Don't saddle me with an inferior product.

Anonymous said...

you should have said you were Jim Hames and you agreed thats why you have 4.6 million and they will not be able to give it to the gays. anonymous

liz said...

Are we still boycotting Cracker Barrel? Does anybody know?